Jim reminds us that we are never responsible for what others say or do. We are responsible solely for our reaction to those things.
He recommends making two lists of things that trigger us – “set us off”.
One of those lists should be for the things in business that bother you. Maybe an employee does something irresponsible. Or someone is late, or doesn’t show up, for an appointment. Perhaps the weather interrupts some project you’re trying to finish.
The other list is for things in your personal life that set you off. It could be something your spouse does. Or how about a teenage son or daughter? Kids often trigger parents with their behavior. Some delight in doing that. Maybe it’s traffic delays – very frustrating for many. Only you know what bothers you most. Be honest with yourself in making these lists.
Now take those lists, and think about the items – what bothers you about them? Do this in a calm moment. Consider how you might react in a more rational way than you usually do. List ways of reacting rationally to each one. Just making the list is very effective. When you’re consciously aware of something, you’re well on the way to addressing it.
Then watch for those triggers in daily life, and catch your anger rising when they occur. Force yourself to settle down and react as you imagined when you were thinking calmly. As with any behavior change, this takes practice. You’ll get better, though certainly not perfect – as Jim reminds us, we’re human! Keep working to improve – you will!
Jim calls this method “catch-n-release”. Catch yourself reacting angrily, and release it.