In this article, I turn again to Dennis Hooper. You may remember him from a few months ago. His topic then was how to choose a coach.Dennis has experience in large organizations and in small ones. He loves helping people work together in harmony.
Dennis recently caught my eye with this article on the subject of giving advice. His point is, whatever value you see in your advice, it’s important to be careful where you offer it. Be sure it’s welcome. If you’re not sure, ask. He suggests some language for how to ask.
Just in the past week, I saw a chance to “help” someone through a social situation. Another friend suggested I think about how my help would be received. I decided against it because I wasn’t sure if my suggestions would be welcome. If they aren’t they won’t help. In the coming days or weeks, perhaps I’ll see an opportunity to ask about that.
This situation planted the seed that grew into this issue of The Unity Community. Dennis’ article added impetus to the idea.
This newsletter offers advice and suggestions nearly every week. You have all implicitly invited my advice by subscribing to the letter. If you prefer not to receive my advice, please feel free to click the “unsubscribe” link at the bottom of this message. Every week, one or two people do that. It doesn’t trouble me at all. What I offer isn’t for everyone. I’m interested in being helpful and supportive, to those who want help.
In his message, Dennis offers Tony Alessandra’s “platinum rule”, an embellishment of the “golden rule”. The golden rule says “Treat others as you would like to be treated”. The platinum rule changes one word in that: “Treat others as they would like to be treated”. Of course sometimes you don’t know exactly how they’d like to be treated. It’s safer to ask than to assume your input is welcome.
In a recent effort to better define my personal mission, I arrived, after some thought, at:
“I make a positive contribution to every transaction and relationship I participate in.”
In pursuit of that mission, I had arrived at the platinum rule myself, though I didn’t so name it. I think “platinum rule” is an excellent name, and I thank Tony for coining it, and Dennis for offering the rule as guidance.
Think carefully about where you share suggestions and advice. However helpful you think an idea to be, it may be unwelcome to someone else. You won’t be helping if you make them feel inadequate. You won’t improve anything if they see you as invading their privacy. As helpful as you may think you are, offering advice where it’s unwelcome won’t help anyone. It may damage or even destroy a relationship.
Enjoy Dennis’ advice here, if you’re open to it.